Jumping back on the bandwagon

Here's my confession: I fell off the bandwagon.  While I was in Kentucky visiting my family, I completely bombed my P90X workouts.  I just stopped doing them.  I could tell you how incredibly difficult it was for me to squeeze them in, that I needed someone who was able to take care of the kids or that I really needed them to be asleep so they weren't tearing things apart while I tried to work out.  I could tell you that I was sick and didn't feel good for some of those days.  I could keep telling  you why I didn't but that doesn't matter.  What matters is that I wasn't doing anything.  That's unacceptable.  Maybe I couldn't do my whole workout, but I should have found some time during those days to do something.  

I know many of you reading this can completely relate to what happened to me.  We get busy, we get sick, we have other things that are higher on the priority list.  It happens. Honestly, it doesn't even matter how many times you fall off the bandwagon, it only matters how many times you turn around and jump right back on.  Last night was my first night of my P90X restart and I couldn't do my whole workout, I'll admit that.  I haven't been drinking enough water and it's hard to push through when my body is starting to dehydrate (even though normally you wouldn't feel like you're dehydrated).  That's my bad, but the important thing is that I did what I could.  I took that hardest first step and started my workout.  

So many times life gets in the way, but we have to respect ourselves and our bodies enough to take care of them and keep making the effort.  It doesn't matter how long it's been or how often you can commit, it just matters that you're pushing yourself to be better than you were.  Because for me this isn't about being skinny, it's about being healthy.  I want my body in good shape so that I'm not going to the doctor so he can prescribe me a miniature pharmacy's worth of drugs to keep my body functioning.  

So let's all stop making excuses and worrying about what others think or how we exercise and do ourselves a favor to just do better. 

Finding your "Why?"

Since starting this journey I've had a lot of people say "I just don't know how you do it".  With four small children that includes a set of twins, I hear that phrase a lot just about every where I go, no matter what I'm doing.  My grocery shopping, taking the kids to the park, etc.  Most of the time though, I simply don't have much choice.  If I'm taking them all to the grocery then it's likely my pantries are running bare and I don't have time to wait for my husband to get off work and keep the older kids for me.  I can't stay at home all day and let my kids be cooped up just because I'm afraid of taking them somewhere by myself, so we go to the park for play dates.  This is my life, and I just have to find a way to make it work.  

When it comes to working out and eating healthy you have to decide why you're doing it. Are you doing it because your health depends on it? Are you doing it because you want to fit into a smaller size jeans?  Or are you doing it because you know that it's what is good for your body and you want to set a good example for your children?  

Whatever your reason you need to identify it.  Identifying your "why" is how you will continue to be successful with your lifestyle change.  Yes, it's a lifestyle change.  You can't do a workout program and follow an eating plan for a small amount of time. If you want long-term results you have to make long-term changes.  

Do you have your "why"?  As soon as you can identify it, you can use it to help motivate you to make healthier choices! 

This would be a good time to quit.

It's been really crazy while staying with my parents this month.  It's been hard to keep up with my workouts because of needing the time, the space and the energy.  I haven't paid attention and I haven't been drinking enough of water, or even anything else for that matter, in order to keep from feeling light headed halfway through.  And many days I am so exhausted that it's all I can do to keep my eyes open until I have to put the kids to bed.  I really need to get in a much better place in general, and it's happening, just at a slower pace than I'd like. There are times that I feel like I'm failing and I should just give up instead of living with the disappointment that I'm off track.  But I'm not going to do that.  THe truth is that I'm likely going to finish my P90X about a week behind schedule but I'd rather give my body the rest it desperately needs instead of overloading it.  However I DO have my phase one measurements/results.  No pictures at the moment, but hopefully I will be able to get some tomorrow.  At the moment I'm not quite sure where I've hidden my camera from the kiddos.  



                                        Before               Phase 1

Waist                                40"                    38"
HIps                                  41"                    40.75"
Right Arm                          11.5"                 11.5"
Left Arm                           11.5"                  12"
Right Thigh                        21"                    19.5"
Left Thigh                         21"                     19.5"
Weight                             165lbs                 157lbs


So while the changes seems small, they are changes for the BETTER.  That's what matters.  Even slow progress is progress.  I also got my Shakeology in the mail today so starting tomorrow I will replacing either breakfast or lunch with something super delicious. :) 

Looking for the positives.

I never imagined what kind of wrenches would be thrown into this workout plan, and I can for sure tell you I never thought I'd have gotten thrown off because of a hurricane.  Traveling home to my parent's house because of Hurricane Sandy really threw me off my game.  The last night at home (Thursday) I missed my workout because I was packing and trying to make sure I didn't forget anything.  THe day I drove we didn't get to my parents until 1am the next morning and then Saturday and Sunday I was just lacking the space to do a workout. Finally last night, things settled down that I could make space to work out and I'm glad I finally got back to it.  I've been stressed and anxious, and focusing on a workout instead of the million other things I need to do was really what I needed to get my head back in the game.  I have been stress eating which consisted of more bowls of cereal than I care to count and handfuls of M&Ms.  I can say that I gave up soda for at least the duration of P90X and other than Friday, I've stuck to that.  I opted for it Friday to give me caffeine while driving and I'm not a coffee drinker and tea was out because of it's diuretic properties (I didn't want to have to stop and unload kids just because I had to pee). It's one thing to not drink soda at home because I have stopped buying it.  Apparently when I left my parent's house back in April, I also left one bottle of IBC rootbeer and a bottle of Ale8 in the back of their refrigerator.  Those are two of my favorites and they've stared me in the face every time I open the refrigerator door.  But I've successfully said no, and will likely continue to say no now that all of you are reading this and know my struggle. 

What could have happened with this huge wrench thrown in my plans, is I could have just quit.  It would have been so easy for me to decide that now was not the time to try and complete P90X because I'm going to be at my parent's house for a month and the space is smaller and there may be some things I'm limited in doing.  I could have said that I'm too stressed to work out when my parents get home because of tryign to keep my kids from destroying their house while they're gone.  I could have said that since I was so far behind it was best to just wait until I got back in my own house to start over.

I didn't do that.  In my head I've committed to finishing this program by January 2nd.  This was my recovery week so I've modified the last few days and tomorrow I will start Day 1 of Phase 2.  This also means that hopefully tomorrow or at least by this weekend I will have my phase one results of weight and inches to post for you guys to see.  I planned on posting my reps and things so you can see how I'm improving with my repetitions and amount of weight used but those unfortunately were forgotten at home :/  I will make an effort to post them after phase 2 or all of them at the end of the program.  

I wont' lie, last night's Cardio X was more difficult on me because it had been a couple days and my body is still exhausted from lack of sleep, but I felt SO MUCH better in general after pushing myself through it.  

I have arm muscles!

So this morning I was feeling a little down on my weight loss part of this.  I know I have a few pounds that need to come off for my body to be healthy and I know they're not coming off because I'm not following the p90x nutrition plan and I should be, or at least being doing a LOT better.  I'm not as bad as I was, but there is always room for improvement.

HOWEVER... I realized I have *dun dun dun* ARM MUSCLES! bahaha.  So ridiculous, I know.  I guess maybe that makes it obvious that the Shoulders & Arms dvd is my favorite workout :) I'm not saying I'll be selling tickets to the gun show anytime soon, but my upper arms are definitely not squishy like they used to be ;)

In other news I have to admit that tonight I'm preparing for Hurricane Sandy who is scheduled to hit us within a few days, so I'm not doing my yoga workout tonight.  I need to pack in case it looks like leaving might be the best option for our family.  I seriously can not imagine last minute packing for me, four kids and two dogs. >.< No way!

Just a thought...

You know, now that I'm doing P90X I am exponentially more aware of other people working out and wanting to lose weight.  There is just something that just gets at me with it sometimes though and it's people who are looking for an easy solution.  If this is you, please understand I'm not intending to be rude or judgmental. It's just that I know how much we all need to eat healthier and be more active because it's what is good for our bodies! We shouldn't be doing it to say we wear a smaller number in jeans or that we have a flat stomach or the numbers on the scale start going down.  Granted, those are perks and you should be proud of those accomplishments.  We need to just remember that this shouldn't be something we do for a short period of time.  We can't start a workout routine and do it until we get the results we want and back off until we gain weight, get lazy and are once again unhappy with our bodies.  It's about so much more than vanity and looks.  It's about your health and well being.  

I have been making better conscious food decisions, and I know I have mentioned that.  Today was one of those run around like a chicken with it's head cut off days so I didn't feed my body like it deserved. Do you want to know what happened?  My body couldn't handle my entire workout.  It was tired and I felt a little lightheaded.  I was able to get about halfway through my workout before I had to cool down and stop. On the days I eat much better, I'm not constantly digging around in my pantry and fridge trying to find something to eat and satisfy my cravings.  I will admit that it does happen just about every evening but I'm fairly certain that has more to do with the fact I have a baby who is also nursing non stop from dinner to bedtime.  If I want something really sweet, I try to reach for a smoothie and throw in some greek yogurt or a carrot, or just whatever healthy stuff I can find instead of loading it full of sugary stuff.  

With all the above being said, yes, I do want to be in a smaller pair of jeans, but only because I want to fit into the ones that I already own instead of wearing maternity jeans! Especially when I had a baby over 3 months ago.  I don't want to get smaller just because I feel like I need to be skinny.  I want to be healthy, I want to have muscle tone, I want to strengthen my core so my body is strong.  I refuse to buy into the media's definition of skinny is beautiful.  Strong is beautiful, healthy is gorgeous.  

Changes are happening

I'm on Week 2 of my P90X journey and last night was my Shoulders & Arms dvd.  I thought earlier this week that I felt stronger, at least a little bit, and last night proved it.  I either increased my reps or my weight on almost anything (going between 5lb and 8lb dumbbells).  It's exciting to think that before I know it, I'll need to increase my weight a little more in order to get the results I want.  I also broke down and weighed myself Friday morning and I've lost around 5lbs already with just eating healthier and being active this week.  I know this weight loss will continue as I keep eating healthy and weed out more junk from my diet, get more in the habit of drinking lots of water, and do more reps during all of my workouts without getting tired and having to take a break.

I am finding it hard to juggle my workouts, but it's something that I make a priority.  I keep the knowledge of my workout in the back of my mind so I make sure to finish the things I need to do, and get my children squared away so that I have enough time to devote to doing my workout without too many interruptions.  Unfortunately it means that I often am doing them after my kids go to bed and sometimes it's later than I'd like them to be, but I do them and I actually am starting to enjoy these workouts instead of resenting them.  My first week I felt pretty pitiful, but now I'm in a better frame of mind.  If I need to stop and breathe, I do it.  If I need to stop and watch the dvd a few times so I can figure out exactly what my body needs to do, then that's what I do.  I go at my own pace and I don't try and speed up so that I"m in sync with the dvd.

Working out and getting healthier isn't about a cookie cutter plan for everyone.  It's about finding what works for you and running with it.

Get BUSY!

Some nights when I work out, I wait until my 2 year old twins are in bed and then Conner (my almost 4yo) and I pick up toys, or he and Daddy do it while I feed a famished infant.  Then I like to work out in the living room with my big screen tv and plenty of space.  Other times I'm cramped up in my sewing/spare/office room, playing P90X on the screen of my computer.  Nights that I work out downstairs, Conner likes to work out with me.  What he really does is marches with us, runs in place a little and then does some "jumpin' Goofs" (or at least that is what Mickey Mouse calls them lol) with me.  

Tonight was Cardio X night and during our Running Squats, Tony tells one of the guys to "Get busy with it".  I didn't realize Conner was paying attention, but apparently he was because during our cool down jog-in-place, he runs quickly and exclaims, "I'm getting BUSY!".  I asked, "You are?" and he replied, "Yes, I like to get busy with it".  So if my preschooler can get busy with it, SO CAN YOU!  :) 

I really think I love my Cardio X workout.  It has a little bit of everything so I don't feel silly at one thing for too long, I just get to feel silly doing everything just a little bit ;) I have to say, nothing feels better than finishing that work out and feeling the sweat dripping down my back.  Of course, doing my workouts at night mean that I am incredibly wired and it's hard to go to bed.  I suppose it's a good thing that as a mother, wife and Beachbody Coach that I have more than enough things to keep me occupied until I start getting tired.  

MY BEFORE

Here are my "Before" stats and pictures.  Be warned about the pictures. I have stretch marks and the saggy belly of a woman who has carried 4 children in her body.  Some might find it to be a beautiful work of nature, others might not be so fond of the sight lol.  But it's my body and I'm going to work it into something I love and that I think is beautiful.

Starting Weight: 165lbs (20-25lbs above what my average weight has been my whole life)
Waist: 40"
Hips: 41"
Chest: 23.1"
Right Arm: 11.5"
Left Arm: 11.5"
Right Thigh: 21"
Left Thigh: 21:
Body Fat Percentage: 39%(This, folks is not good)


Annnnd....the dreadful pictures.

The end of Week One

So I finished week one! Yea!!!!  I find that very exciting.  Only 83 days of this left! It wasn't easy to get through it and yesterday during my Kenpo workout I felt extremely silly.  All that sparring and bouncing around kind of threw me off balance and made me feel uncoordinated.  So I slowed it down and for the first couple reps concentrated on memorizing the movements and making sure I was doing the moves correctly instead of looking like a frantic, crazed air traffic controller. I have to be completely honest and say that I've had to stop work outs to feed baby Kiwi, and last night I had to cut my Kenpo workout about 10-15 minutes short because she wouldn't settle down with her Daddy.  I just fast-forwarded through to my cool down so I ended properly and that was that.  Don't be fooled, I still feel the burn from my workout, even if I did miss out on the end of it.

I did get to a point last night where I felt discouraged because I wasn't able to always commit the full hour from start to finish without outside interruptions but thanks to the encouragement of some awesome friends, I realized that it's better to break up my work out into two half hour sessions (warming up and cooling down each time) or to miss some of it, than it is to not be doing it at all, and they're right.

Other than the above, I really don't have anything new to report.  My husband is starting to get in the routine of me working out so he asks me when I'm going to do my work out so we can coordinate baby/child care and who is going to do what and when.  We make sure the kids are covered and taken care of so we can both do things that need done personally and around the house, and it's awesome to have great team work like that between us.  I have to say that without his full support, it would make doing this incredibly hard, especially because I'm doing an intense program.  He will come up and check on me from time to time and finds encouraging things to say.

I think I"m going to leave this post at that.  I know, it was pretty boring.  If it's any consolation, I will be posting my before pictures next >.< So be prepared.

Day 2: Cardio X

If P90X doesn't kill me then it will make me stronger.  But oh, man...does it ever feel like it's going to kill me.  

I went out tonight for a Pampered Chef party.  I knew I'd be cutting it close to get home at a decent time and get my work out in and I was right.  I actually stayed a little too late.  I left there with my head in super motivation mode, "I'm still going to do my workout when I go home". It's kind of too bad that Keely didn't really understand the motivation in my head as she cried most of the way home and also continued crying once I got her inside.  She chose the time I needed to focus and buckle down to be inconsolable. 

At this point the "old me" would have said to myself "You can just do this work out in the morning and the other one in the evening, no big deal" or "What's it going to hurt to miss one? You have a screaming baby".  But here it is, after midnight and I can absolutely tell you that I DID my workout.  My body didn't want to, my baby didn't want to, but I did it. Saying it was easy would be a gross misconception because I really did not under any circumstances want to change into workout clothes and jump around my living room for an hour.  Not to mention I feel incredibly silly since I've never done most of these moves before in my life.  I could probably audition for a circus side show act doing any P90X workout and get a job where people would point and laugh, except I dont' think they're ready for this jelly.  Like, literally... Jello belly shaking like Shakira. So. Not. Pretty.  

But that's the whole point of this, isn't it? It's to get past the awkwardness, improve my form, improve my reps and my endurance and get rid of the jiggle in my wiggle. 

Tomorrow I will try and find time to sit down and post my before pictures and measurements.  Be warned, it's not pretty.  I've had 4 children (that includes a twin pregnancy) and a c-section.  Things are stretched out and sagging, but I know that if I prove I can do this, someone, somewhere will realize that they can do it too.  Taking the first step to a healthier lifestyle is hard.  Continuing to move forward and push through your difficulties is even harder.  Mind over matter people.  Stop telling yourself you don't have enough time, you can't do those moves, you can't bend that way.  Just try it. And then try it again.  As Tony Horton (creator of P90X) says: 

Do NOT say you “can’t”! You can say, “I don’t want to”. You can say, “I’m not willing to put forth the effort”. But DO NOT say you CAN’T! 

The beginning

Hi, my name is Jessica. I am in my late 20s and every year I creep closer to 30.  I'm seriously not getting any younger here.  I have four kids, my oldest will be four next month, my youngest is almost 3 months old.  I have a set of twins who just turned 2.  It would be putting it mildly to say that my life is hectic and crazy.  Did I mention that my husband is military and we also have two dogs? Yeah... Someone should probably do me a favor and commit me.  Now that your jaw is on the floor, just leave it there and grab a seat because what I'm going to tell you is about to blow your mind.

Last night I started P90X.  Not only did I start it, but I am going to finish it, on January 2.  (Assuming of course that there aren't any floods or natural disasters and that I don't get abducted by extraterrestrials).  I know you're wondering HOW ARE YOU FINDING THE TIME?  Well, I am going to make the time.  It is going to be my priority to put fitness on my daily schedule and actually work out.  It's just time to make this happen for me.

Remember how I said I was a mother of four?  While I love all my monsters dearly, it doesn't come without a price and for me that price was my body.  It's been through the ringer and all different sizes.  After my first pregnancy I had a body I was content with, I was a little smaller in the waist than I had been before and I wasn't working out for it to have happened.  After my twins were born I was even smaller, I actually fit into a size 6, a size I hadn't seen since I was in 8th grade.  And mind you, I've never been overweight. Well now here I am nearly 3 months postpartum and by a doctor's standards of weight and body fat percentage, I am overweight.  The past 2 years I have spent very uncomfortable in my own body with my size changes, inability to eat well during pregnancies where I was so sick, and now because nothing I own fits me except for the maternity clothes, the majority of which are actually on loan from my cousin.

Before I start sounding like some crazy woman who wants a rockin' beach body let me say that self-image is something I take seriously.  I want to be in a happy place, with myself and with my body, to set a fabulous example for my three girls.  They are going to grow up in a world where being underweight is sexy and people go to extreme and unhealthy lengths to achieve it and also where obesity is taking over the lives of almost everyone else.  I don't want them to struggle because they don't have healthy eating and fitness habits and I don't want them to see a mom who is unhappy with her body and therefore decide they must do drastic things to change their bodies.  I want them to have a mom who is healthy and comfortable in her own skin.  I don't care about a number on a scale as much as I care about how much body fat I'm carrying around that is unnecessary, how often I'm being active and what foods I'm putting into my body.

So today (or rather yesterday) starts a new me.  It's time to kick my old habits and find a new happy.  It's time to stop worrying every second about my children and stop and realize they're okay and I need to take some time to focus on myself.  If you're reading this, feel free to stop and ask me if I've done my workout today.