No more living in Denial

I know I've been MIA, I know I've been a slacker.  I feel like it would only benefit me to tell you what I've been struggling with.  For close to two years, on and off, I've been dealing with anxiety.  It started with my last pregnancy when I developed hyperemesis gravidarum and then found out that there was a suspected molar pregnancy along with my healthy baby.  I was very sick and there was a lot of uncertainty with my health, the safety of me and my unborn child and added financial responsibilities of adding a new member to our family (who would fit in our current vehicle).  Once the nausea backed down and I could function more "normally", and I found out there was no molar pregnancy or threat to my pregnancy,  things improved.  I became excited instead of anxious. A few months ago, out of nowhere, the anxiety returned.  My personal research has found that postpartum anxiety can be normal so I'm trying to deal with it the best I can.  I'm working with my doctor and trying to make sure that I exercise. I have stopped bottling in my anxiety and instead I am letting my husband know when I am feeling anxious so he knows that I need more help as I tend to get overwhelmed more easily.  It's not been an easy thing for me to deal with.  I inherited the perfectionist gene from my mother and as a SAHM to four small children I feel like I need to be able to "do it all", all the time.  I've learned that I need to let myself have bad days, but also not to let the bad days become a habit.  I need to brush myself off and jump back on the horse.  My anxiety is still not as controlled as I would like, but I think now that I"m at the point where I'm acknowledging it, it's become a little easier for me to try and conquer. 

My current goals are my mental health more than physical fitness, but to me they also tie together.  My physical fitness is going to be centered around workouts I can do without being overwhelmed so that I can feel accomplished and hopefully lessen the blows of anxiety.   I can't promise that I won't have bad days that I want to go into hiding, but I'm coming out of my anxiety closet to have some accountability.  I know this isn't something that I can do all by myself, I need support and encouragement just like everyone else.  On August 1st I'm starting a 10 minute Trainer Challenge Group.   I will be doing it along with the people who sign up so that we can support each other.  There will also be a Challenge within the Challenge where you receive points for your daily posts, encouragement and can win prizes from me.  If this is something you're interested in then message me at my facebook page, Think Fit, Not Skinny for more details.  I hope to hear from you SOON!  Stop making excuses for why you can't make healthier choices.  

Let's win something!

I decided that I've been distracted from my blog for far too long so here I am, coming out of hiding.  This is primarily my blog to talk about my fitness journey, but part of that is also sharing Beachbody.  I don't do it to make a buck or push product.  It's just a part of what I'm doing and as a Coach, it's part of who I am.  I unashamedly look forward to my chocolate Shakeology and I love crying out in pain when Tony Horton makes me kick my own butt into shape.  (Okay, the last part is probably a stretched truth, some days I really hate Tony Horton and his perkiness).

I also am not perfect and I know how hard it is keep make fitness a daily habit.  Becoming a member of teambeachbody.com can help you with that.  There are some great benefits of just signing up for a free account.

You get:
*Your own personal Coach for guidance and support (That would be, yours truly)
*Access to the online SuperGym^®, where you can schedule and log your workouts and easily track your progress
*Message boards and chatrooms to help you find new friends and workout partners, and get advice and support from the entire community
* If you have the P90X App for iPhone: Freedom to track and log your workouts in the SuperGym from your iPhone
* Access to Michi's ladder (food substitution plan)
* Recipes
*Nutritions tools and tips
*And more that I don't really feel like having to type out for you.  

So go check it out.  It can't hurt anything to have a free account.  If you go to www.beachbodycoach.com/JessMKing and click "Join" and choose "Free account".  I'm going to raffle off a Shakeology shaker with a serving of Shakeology of YOUR choosing (either Vegan Chocolate or Vegan Tropical Strawberry).   

The only catch is that you *must* sign up by Sunday night at 11:59pm. Thats February 17th, ya'll.  That gives you four more full days (and then some) to make a free account so that you can try and win a Shaker bottle from me.  Winner will be notified by email on Monday February 18th. 

Why are you still here?!

:)

Endorphins make you happy

Today my husband and I started P90X together.  I've been on and off the P90X bandwagon for awhile.  I've gotten derailed by different circumstances and I keep trying to hop back on.  Whenever I happen to not be working out I always miss it but simultaneously dread it.  I find as I keep pushing myself to keep going, I dread it less and less.  The more I work out, the better I feel about myself and I need to keep focusing on that to push through the difficult days.

The great thing about today is the stars aligned for us.  any parent knows how hard it is to find that one perfect time to do anything without interruption.  The more kids you have, the more difficult it can be.  Today we were incredibly lucky that our three girls all decided to take a nap long enough for us to do our Chest & Back workout (Ab Ripper X will come after they go to bed but is less than 20 minutes and not hard to fit in).  Our oldest was happily playing some train games on the computer, score!  My goal is for at least me to start working out earlier in the day, alone.  I plan on working out in the mornings before the kids wake up, or at least have my breakfast before they wake up so that I can workout while they have breakfast.  This will allow me to distract them so my husband can get his workouts in when he is home from work.  On weekends we can work out together.

The problem I generally face with working out late at night is sometimes a kid has a bad night and wakes up, usually the littlest one who needs to be nursed.  This usually pushes my workouts back farther than I'd like and also means I'm so energized afterwards that I can't fall asleep at a decent time.  It's really a vicious cycle.

What are you doing to ensure that you can fit in your workouts?

Jumping back on the bandwagon

Here's my confession: I fell off the bandwagon.  While I was in Kentucky visiting my family, I completely bombed my P90X workouts.  I just stopped doing them.  I could tell you how incredibly difficult it was for me to squeeze them in, that I needed someone who was able to take care of the kids or that I really needed them to be asleep so they weren't tearing things apart while I tried to work out.  I could tell you that I was sick and didn't feel good for some of those days.  I could keep telling  you why I didn't but that doesn't matter.  What matters is that I wasn't doing anything.  That's unacceptable.  Maybe I couldn't do my whole workout, but I should have found some time during those days to do something.  

I know many of you reading this can completely relate to what happened to me.  We get busy, we get sick, we have other things that are higher on the priority list.  It happens. Honestly, it doesn't even matter how many times you fall off the bandwagon, it only matters how many times you turn around and jump right back on.  Last night was my first night of my P90X restart and I couldn't do my whole workout, I'll admit that.  I haven't been drinking enough water and it's hard to push through when my body is starting to dehydrate (even though normally you wouldn't feel like you're dehydrated).  That's my bad, but the important thing is that I did what I could.  I took that hardest first step and started my workout.  

So many times life gets in the way, but we have to respect ourselves and our bodies enough to take care of them and keep making the effort.  It doesn't matter how long it's been or how often you can commit, it just matters that you're pushing yourself to be better than you were.  Because for me this isn't about being skinny, it's about being healthy.  I want my body in good shape so that I'm not going to the doctor so he can prescribe me a miniature pharmacy's worth of drugs to keep my body functioning.  

So let's all stop making excuses and worrying about what others think or how we exercise and do ourselves a favor to just do better. 

Finding your "Why?"

Since starting this journey I've had a lot of people say "I just don't know how you do it".  With four small children that includes a set of twins, I hear that phrase a lot just about every where I go, no matter what I'm doing.  My grocery shopping, taking the kids to the park, etc.  Most of the time though, I simply don't have much choice.  If I'm taking them all to the grocery then it's likely my pantries are running bare and I don't have time to wait for my husband to get off work and keep the older kids for me.  I can't stay at home all day and let my kids be cooped up just because I'm afraid of taking them somewhere by myself, so we go to the park for play dates.  This is my life, and I just have to find a way to make it work.  

When it comes to working out and eating healthy you have to decide why you're doing it. Are you doing it because your health depends on it? Are you doing it because you want to fit into a smaller size jeans?  Or are you doing it because you know that it's what is good for your body and you want to set a good example for your children?  

Whatever your reason you need to identify it.  Identifying your "why" is how you will continue to be successful with your lifestyle change.  Yes, it's a lifestyle change.  You can't do a workout program and follow an eating plan for a small amount of time. If you want long-term results you have to make long-term changes.  

Do you have your "why"?  As soon as you can identify it, you can use it to help motivate you to make healthier choices! 

This would be a good time to quit.

It's been really crazy while staying with my parents this month.  It's been hard to keep up with my workouts because of needing the time, the space and the energy.  I haven't paid attention and I haven't been drinking enough of water, or even anything else for that matter, in order to keep from feeling light headed halfway through.  And many days I am so exhausted that it's all I can do to keep my eyes open until I have to put the kids to bed.  I really need to get in a much better place in general, and it's happening, just at a slower pace than I'd like. There are times that I feel like I'm failing and I should just give up instead of living with the disappointment that I'm off track.  But I'm not going to do that.  THe truth is that I'm likely going to finish my P90X about a week behind schedule but I'd rather give my body the rest it desperately needs instead of overloading it.  However I DO have my phase one measurements/results.  No pictures at the moment, but hopefully I will be able to get some tomorrow.  At the moment I'm not quite sure where I've hidden my camera from the kiddos.  



                                        Before               Phase 1

Waist                                40"                    38"
HIps                                  41"                    40.75"
Right Arm                          11.5"                 11.5"
Left Arm                           11.5"                  12"
Right Thigh                        21"                    19.5"
Left Thigh                         21"                     19.5"
Weight                             165lbs                 157lbs


So while the changes seems small, they are changes for the BETTER.  That's what matters.  Even slow progress is progress.  I also got my Shakeology in the mail today so starting tomorrow I will replacing either breakfast or lunch with something super delicious. :) 

Looking for the positives.

I never imagined what kind of wrenches would be thrown into this workout plan, and I can for sure tell you I never thought I'd have gotten thrown off because of a hurricane.  Traveling home to my parent's house because of Hurricane Sandy really threw me off my game.  The last night at home (Thursday) I missed my workout because I was packing and trying to make sure I didn't forget anything.  THe day I drove we didn't get to my parents until 1am the next morning and then Saturday and Sunday I was just lacking the space to do a workout. Finally last night, things settled down that I could make space to work out and I'm glad I finally got back to it.  I've been stressed and anxious, and focusing on a workout instead of the million other things I need to do was really what I needed to get my head back in the game.  I have been stress eating which consisted of more bowls of cereal than I care to count and handfuls of M&Ms.  I can say that I gave up soda for at least the duration of P90X and other than Friday, I've stuck to that.  I opted for it Friday to give me caffeine while driving and I'm not a coffee drinker and tea was out because of it's diuretic properties (I didn't want to have to stop and unload kids just because I had to pee). It's one thing to not drink soda at home because I have stopped buying it.  Apparently when I left my parent's house back in April, I also left one bottle of IBC rootbeer and a bottle of Ale8 in the back of their refrigerator.  Those are two of my favorites and they've stared me in the face every time I open the refrigerator door.  But I've successfully said no, and will likely continue to say no now that all of you are reading this and know my struggle. 

What could have happened with this huge wrench thrown in my plans, is I could have just quit.  It would have been so easy for me to decide that now was not the time to try and complete P90X because I'm going to be at my parent's house for a month and the space is smaller and there may be some things I'm limited in doing.  I could have said that I'm too stressed to work out when my parents get home because of tryign to keep my kids from destroying their house while they're gone.  I could have said that since I was so far behind it was best to just wait until I got back in my own house to start over.

I didn't do that.  In my head I've committed to finishing this program by January 2nd.  This was my recovery week so I've modified the last few days and tomorrow I will start Day 1 of Phase 2.  This also means that hopefully tomorrow or at least by this weekend I will have my phase one results of weight and inches to post for you guys to see.  I planned on posting my reps and things so you can see how I'm improving with my repetitions and amount of weight used but those unfortunately were forgotten at home :/  I will make an effort to post them after phase 2 or all of them at the end of the program.  

I wont' lie, last night's Cardio X was more difficult on me because it had been a couple days and my body is still exhausted from lack of sleep, but I felt SO MUCH better in general after pushing myself through it.